Wow! The best part of having a blog that you haven't read for a while (and when I say a while, it has been a few years since my last post), is that you see how you have been through so much in life and yet, although you are stronger and more mature, you realize that your "core" self is still the same. It feels nice to see that my 20 year old self has insecurities and bad days just like my 30 year old version.

I have been trough a lot in these past years: moved to a different country, did my master's, got a broken heart, made amazing new friends, experienced the up and downs of a PhD student, realized that I love teaching... But coming across this old blog today made me realize that life has been very nice to me and I am having an amazing ride!

I am very grateful for being who I am, for my family and friends, and for all experiences that I have collected throughout these years.

Nicholas Sparks' "The Lucky One"

Just finished reading "The Lucky One" and I absolutely loved it! Feels like a real story, down to earth and elements that we find in our daily lives!

To write or not to write...

To write or not to write... Life has been crazy, that's why I haven't written any posts... But it doesn't mean that I haven't been writing at all... Deadline coming up soon and have to finish writing 15 pages! For some of you it's easy, but I'm lacking a little bit of motivation... Any ideas? Am starting to get desperate and write nonsense!

Anyways, a little update. The weather here in south Germany has been beautiful! Although I had to work on Thursday until 9:30 am and missed out on a sunny Friday, Saturday was just as beautiful we enjoyed it by having a little BBQ at home! What can I say? I am a meat lover and cannot deny it!

Now back to writing...

Leftovers...

So, it. has been a while that I haven't written anything here... I guess that is the result of my life in Bayreuth: pure boredom. I don't really know the reason of all this unhappiness, but I would definitely state that I have seen myself in a better environment and with way better perspectives! I really do hope that all this effort will be compensated.

Muchas cositas!

My dad always says that I'm a good writer, but I guess he's only being a father. Nevertheless, I might admit that I do have some joy in writing, although my performance with the pen & paper set is better in Portuguese, or at least it was. Am actually writing about the art of "writing" because right now I'm in the middle (beginning) of my thesis, and I must admit that my skills aren't good enough for something big like this. At least that is what my tutor thinks, not that he said so, but the actions of scribbling over all my ideas, effort and time makes it self-evident.

Besides the red pen attack, I am still figuring out the logistics of my "return". Now that I've been homeless for more than six months (meaning not renting an apartment on my own, cause I've been warmly welcomed by Mrs. Maria and Mr. Robert to their house for the past months!), my things are all over the city! Still have some things with my friends, four boxes plus miscelaneous at P's and all my daily gadgets back at Qing Pu. Don't know how and not even WHEN will I gather everything at one place and then find out what am I going to do with all my stuff!

And that leads us to another question: What am I going to do with my life afterwards? Oh! So many things to think about right now, that I wish I had more time to do so...

More time for my thesis, more time for my logistics, more time to figure out what am I gonna do... Guess that in a way everything is linked! Messy messy life!

Muchas cositas para hacer en tan poco tiempo!

Time management: almost eleven o'clock and I still haven't been through the notes from yesterday... My cue to stop here...

Black thoughts.

Sometimes you rely too much on people. Sometimes you need to, it's like religion, you need it. But just as putting faith in God and blaming him for not doing things according to your plan, you get disappointed with people in whom you blindly rely on and put so much expectations on one's actions and attitudes. Today I felt hit by a tsunami. Suddenly I had no "job", no boyfriend, no friends and no family to talk to, to cry on their shoulder, to feel safe just for the fact that you're being held at that moment. And the worst part is that when you actually gather the strength to call them, they don't even have a clue of what you are going through and you feel guilty to drag them into your "not-so-perfect" world, or you just feel ashamed and have no guts to admit you are a complete failure. Then when you most need the people you love, you make an effort not to, and let them live their lives without concerning about yours. At the end of the day, the only one that you're disappointed with is YOURSELF.

Random thought...

Am drowning in philosophical thoughts, thinking about "meaning of life" and that sort of things... And I must say that I'm not really amused by these cloudy thoughts. It must have been easier to live in the middle age...